Monday, 13 May 2019

Planning A Wedding Without A Mam

In just seven weeks time I will be getting married, the closer the wedding gets the more real it is starting to feel. We are busy arranging meetings with our suppliers and paying them off, sorting seating plans and all the little finishing touches to our day. After two years of planning, things are finally starting to come together and it won't be long before I am a Mrs.  Everyone keeps asking if I am excited and truthfully I am not yet as I am missing my mam a lot at the moment.

Tomorrow is the 14th anniversary of my Mams death, she died in a freak accident when I was 21 so she never got the chance to meet my future husband or my younger children. Every day for the past fourteen years I have missed her but I have learnt to live without her and I rarely get upset anymore and can remember her with a smile. But planning a wedding without your mam sucks big time!

As a bride-to-be everything is geared up towards your mam helping you organise your big day, to look at venues, go dress shopping, pick flowers and help you get ready on the big day. However I can't do that, I have no one other than my partner to help me plan the wedding, I have no one to ask advice too or help me pick things or help me get ready on the big day and it is hard. 

Every magazine, film or TV show I watch about weddings features the mother of the bride being helpful and it makes me miss her more. I would love her opinion on what flowers to pick as I don't have a clue about flowers and she adored them. Every meeting we go to people mention the mother of the bride and I have to mutter "I don't have a mam, she died when I was younger" and then listen to awkward apologises. 

I had to go dress shopping with my other half's family and while it was lovely they came and my future mother in law actually picked my dress, it's not the same. I wanted my mam there, plus she probably would have bought it for me saving me a fortune (jokes). 

I choose to get married on her birthday as a way to remember her, as she loved a party and would have loved that I was getting married on her birthday. I don't know if that was a good or bad idea now, I hope it doesn't make me miss her more or make me sad on my big day. On one hand, it will be lovely having all our family together and to raise a glass to her but in other ways, I wish I had of stuck to my original plan and got married on a beach abroad just me, lee and the kids with no fuss. 

I don't want my wedding turning into something morbid so I am not planning anything to remember her by on the day. I will get a memory charm for my bouquet which I then plan on putting on her grave but that's it, I want the day to be a happy one, not a sad one. But there will be no one helping me getting ready on the morning of the wedding, no one to calm me down or travel with the girls to the venue, no mam waiting proudly at the bottom of the aisle before I get married or to make sure my dress looks nice in photos. She would have loved sitting proudly on the top table and she would have been the first and last one on the dance floor, she would have been having the time of her life. 

Just thinking of it breaks my heart. 

I miss her more than ever at the moment and it is not just that I miss her but also that I am sad she is missing out. I am sad she got to miss out on being a proud mother of the bride and share these experiences with me as I know she would have loved every second of it. I am sad that she never got to meet my partner or Sophia and Jacob and my brother's girls, I am sad she died in her early 40s and missed out on so much. 

I know if she could she would tell me not to be sad and to stop being silly and to enjoy myself. On the day I think I will be fine, I might shed a small tear and I will definitely be raising a glass to her and I will remember her fondly. But at the moment planning a wedding without her is hard and I just hope I am around for when my own children get married so they never have to feel like this. 

Fingers crossed she will be up there somewhere looking down on us and makes the sun shine on my wedding day. Most importantly of all, she will be in all of our hearts and I know if she could she would be there with me somehow. 


  1. Sending massive hugs.
    Aww! What a lovely idea to get married on her birthday. Such a nice way to remember her. x

    1. Thank you Kim, it was an emotional day but it was nice to have her a part of my day x

  2. Sending lots of love. I can't imagine how hard it is for you. Your mam was always so full of life and I bet she would have been so proud of you all xx

    1. Ah Sam that is so lovely of you to say thank you xx

  3. Oh bless you, this must be such a difficult situation. I hope you manage to enjoy your big day, your mum would be so proud of you and what a lovely idea to marry on her birthday.

  4. Your mam would be so proud of you, and will totally be watching down bursting with happiness at the beautiful family you've created. Choosing her birthday for your wedding date is lovely and so special. Melis x

    1. Thank you so much Melis, that is lovely of you to say xx


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