Lately my heart has not been in blogging, I have not blogged much, rarely commented, I have not been active on social media, I take forever to reply to e-mails and I have been late on so many review deadline's. I just have not felt like blogging for the last few month's, sitting down at my laptop to write has felt like a chore.
I hold my hand's up and admit I have been a terrible blogger and have let my blog and friendships slide over the last few months. It has not been a case of writers block as I have had so much to say and have so many great posts and reviews lined up. I don't want to give up my blog either as I love my little space on the web.
The reason I have not had the heart to blog is just simply because life has gotten in the way lately. My eldest daughter Chloe had surgery a few weeks ago, just days after her thirteenth birthday. She had a growth on her eye removed and I have been so worried that something was seriously wrong. I did not want to blog or read about happy families or people complaining about how their children drive them mad when I was worried about my own child's health.
When Chloe was born she was born with a red right eye, on all her newborn photos she has a red eye. From being a tiny baby she would always get infections in her right eye and was always at the doctors getting drops and cream's, the infections were put down to a blocked tear duct. As she got older ever few months she would get conjunctivitis and impetigo in her right eye and would have to spend a few days off school.
Over the years she has had so many eye tests, trips to the doctors and eye hospital and so many treatments of eye drops. We have just gotten use to it over the years and expect her to get a bad eye every few months. However almost a year ago now she developed a little lump on her eyelid on her lash line, I thought nothing of it at first I just thought that it was a sty.
Then we realised it was a skin tag and I was not bothered as it was small and I have a one below my eye, my mum had a one as did my Nana. However it started to get bigger so we went to the GP to see about getting it removed, as it was so close to her eye we were told it would need to be removed at the hospital. We waited three months for an appointment at hospital and in the meantime the skin tag had grown a lot and was really noticeable, she was so self conscious of it.
We went to hospital and were told it would need to be removed via surgery as it was a papilloma and it had a stork and veins and was caused by the hpv virus. When I heard that I instantly thought she had cancer as that is what you think when you hear hpv virus, that's what young girls get vaccinated against. I did not tell Chloe my fears though and kept them to myself, the weeks until her surgery date were awful as everyday I was worrying.
The day of surgery arrived and she was so brave having her surgery and was home the same day. The surgeon done an amazing job as their is no scar and her eye looks perfect. We were told that due to the mass being caused by hpv it would need to be sent off for a biopsy and we would need to return to hospital for the results, today was that day.
After weeks off worry, sleepless nights, comfort eating and being snappy and grumpy I was so relieved to hear the words that the mass was benign that she has the all clear and has been discharged for good. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder, the constant knot I have had in my tummy has gone and I feel like my life is no longer on hold.
Thinking something is wrong with your child is the worse feeling ever, I am not at all religious but I have prayed ever night for weeks for everything to be ok. I have kept all of this bottled up inside me for weeks and weeks and now I feel like I can stop worrying and start enjoying life again. Today I am so thankful that it was a happy outcome and that she got the all clear and can now go on to enjoy life as a normal teenager.
This has made me realise just how precious life is and just how precious my children are to me. Life really is to short, it is a gift and I am so lucky to have three happy healthy children. Today is the day I start being a better mum, a more fun mum and a better partner.
Through all of the worry I have realised that I love this little blog of mine and that I am so lucky that I am able to earn an income through it and to be self employed. I also get to have some amazing experiences for myself and my family down to this blog which I am so grateful for. I have missed blogging and spending time on social media and I have decided that it is time that I got organised and made more of an effort.
First of all my blog will be getting a makeover in a matter of days which I am so excited about and secondly I am going to get myself organised and get up to date on my reviews ( sorry if you are waiting for a one). Lastly I am going to get back into blogging and work hard to make my blog a success and how I want it to be. All of this has made me realise that I love being a mum and I want to live the dream working from home, I don't want to go back to working full time and missing out on so much of my children's childhood. I want to be their for my children and I want to be the best mum that I can be, and I will be documenting it all down on this little blog of mine so that someday my children can look back and see just how loved they are.