It's 10pm at night and i really should be asleep as i am so exhausted lately and i have a busy day tomorrow as tomorrow is induction day! I will be exactly 39 week's pregnant and i can not believe that my pregnancy is almost over now. My bag's are packed and all of baby's things are sorted , my birth plan is wrote out the house is tidy (well as tidy as it can be with a one year old who destroys everything in site) and childcare has been arranged for the girl's. But i am a bag of nerves i have butterfly's in my tummy and feel sick with worry.
I just don't feel ready for baby for some reason i feel like my pregnancy has flown over so fast that i have not had the chance to enjoy it as fully as i should have. I am going to miss my bump and feeling baby's kicks. And i am worrying about how i will cope with a tweenager starting high school a newborn and fourteen month old. I know i will cope and i am just being silly worrying over silly things as lots of people have children close in age and manage just fine.
But what i am worrying about the most is going into hospital i have to be there for 11am so it is looking like baby wont be born until late tomorrow night or sometime on wednesday and i do not think i have the energy for a long labour. I am also so worried something will go wrong that baby will go in distress or that induction fails and i need a c-section or some kind of assisted delivery. I am also so worried about baby, i know its perfectly normal for babies to born at 39 weeks and he is classed as full term but i am worrying if he will be o.k and worrying if the medication i have been taking will have effected him in any way, as i was stupid and went on google and read that labetalol the medication i have been taken can make baby's slow to breath at birth.
I am also worried about the whole induction process which is crazy as i have been induced before and know what to expect and i had a really easy straight forward experience of induction with Chloe. I know after you have had a baby before they like to just break your waters to induce you but my baby has not even dropped down yet and is still very high up above my pelvis so this wont be possible due to the risk of cord prolapse. So i do not know how they will induce me, i am guessing with a pessary which i have heard can take a long time. I am also worrying about the pain as my last birth was only just over a year ago so i vividly remember just how much having a baby hurts!
But mostly i am worrying about being apart from my girls, i have never has a single night away from Sophia since she has been born even when i had surgery in October i was home the same day. And i hate being apart from Chloe too as she is like me a worrier and i hate not being there to make sure she is o.k. I know that the girls will be well looked after and have fun with the other half's mum and i know that Lee will probably be home with them if labour is taking ages.